My Authentic Prayer

I was hiking through the mountains, again. A fresh layer of snow rested on the slopes while small flakes continued to drift down from grey clouds. The sight was nothing short of exquisite. The energy of the mountain seemed to lead me higher, faster, until I couldn’t help but run. The fresh snow created an acoustical stillness that allowed me to appreciate every sound and detail of my body. I could hear the whipping of the wind in my ears, the pounding of my heart in my chest, the compression of the snow beneath my boots, and the breathy heaving of my lungs. It was intoxicating. I kept running.

Continuing up the mountain I could feel the throbbing in my thighs. My breath deepened and the icy air pieced my throat. The cold in my chest quickly turned into a mild burning sensation, but I didn’t mind it. The discomfort was welcomed. The sensation of pain, pleasure, joy, and sorrow reminded me I was alive and wasn’t beyond feeling. I still had my humanity.

I kept running while the falling snow fell onto my hot cheeks. The flakes quickly melted and merged with the tears that escaped my eyes. I hadn’t noticed them until now.

I hadn’t seen another human in quite some time. Exhausted, I stopped to catch my breath. I rested on a rock that was protected by a large coniferous tree that had seen ages of time that dwarfed my existence. I respected the tree. Every breath I drew was provided by its emissions. I took off my glove and rested my bare hand on its raw bark as if to wordlessly thank the tree for sustaining my life.

Being so overwhelmed with gratitude I couldn’t fight the undeniable urge to pray. I’ve never been very good at it, but it has always been a part of my life. Formal words like thee, thou, and amen seemed too disingenuous for the moment. Even so, I indulged my longing to commune. I offered my authentic prayer under the tree in the snow:

God, we’ve been doing this some years now. I don’t know you, but I wanted to thank you. You don't talk to me anymore, but I know of no other way to express my gratitude for my existence than through the religious traditions of my ancestors. This is a beautiful world, and I have a beautiful life. So for whatever its worth, I am truly thankful.

You know, I was reading this week from Dallin H. Oaks and he said we don’t have ‘sufficient spiritual maturity to comprehend God.’ I happen to agree, which is why I maintain a healthy amount of skepticism of those who claim they know you. Too often people conflate good feelings with truth, and epistemology with arrogance. How could any of us possibly comprehend The Word? Not that we shouldn’t try, because trying seems essential.

I love being in the mountains. I feel connected, sane, and whole in the woods. Well, at least more so than I ever have sitting in a church pew or temple. I can’t think of a better place to contemplate your existence. I see you like I see electricity. The power, grandeur, and potential of electricity existed long before humans, long before the formation of this planet, but electricity wasn’t manifested to our limited understanding until we became capable of harnessing its power. Over time our understanding and definitions of electric force have changed along with our abilities and applications, but has electricity itself changed? Is harnessing your power the only way for you to manifest? The conclusion I keep coming back to is in order to know you is to become you. You don’t seem to manifest any other way, at least not to me.

Some say my desire to become you is a superstitious implantation of a religion that would exploit my sincerest desires for their own lustful desires for power. Others condemn me of hubris, and vying for authority that is never meant to be mine. Others criticize my aspirations as nothing more than a fool’s errand, while their counterparts preach a gospel of escapism and apathy. Others have simply given up.

Sometimes religion is helpful, sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes technology is helpful, sometimes it isn’t. Technologies have a curious way of emphasizing our inner most desires and intentions. Although I’m convinced until we learn to harness the power of both religion and technology in the spirit of compassion and love we run the serious risk of losing our humanity, which paradoxically I see as one of our most divine attributes. Wouldn’t you agree?

Well, I should probably head back down the mountain now. You know where I am if you ever get the urge to manifest yourself. Don’t be a stranger.

Love is Love. Life is Life.

(Artist: Jez Timms)

In response to the latest LDS policy changes aimed toward the chilren of LGBT parents, a kind and well-meaning friend commented on the outpouring of reactions.

She said, “I can’t help but think this is killing our Prophet.”

Upon reading the words, I softly said to my monitor, “No, aging is killing our Prophet.”

The last couple of days an internal monologue has been pacing through my mind.

Our religious organization has more pressing matters to address than telling loving consenting adults what their sexual relations should or shouldn’t entail. Homosexuals are not the enemy. Death, hate and fear are the enemy, and must be overcome with life and love. Will our species evolve beyond such wasteful discrimination, or is it simply the evolution of those we choose to discriminate against?

Love is love. Life is life. Why do we keep trying to tell it what it is supposed to look like?

Esthetics matter. I get it. I’m an artist and designer, and I’m fully aware of the power of esthetics. In the design field we have a principle: Form follows function. Acute awareness to esthetics can be a substantial enhancement to the human experience, but if the aesthetics are in direct conflict with functionality, practicality supersedes aesthetics. I sometimes question if my church is so focused on the esthetics of the family unit, which are highly subjective, that they have lost sight of the purpose and function.

Transhumanism, to me, is the religion of life that is made meaningful through love. This is a product of my Christianity.

Using every technology at our disposal to preserve and create both love and life is the most purposeful objective I can currently imagine. This is a product of my Mormonism.

How else can we become our Heavenly Parentage if not through the vigorous advancement of life and love? How else will our species evolve into superintelligent posthumanity without embracing both life and love as our primary objectives?

*Published at The Transfigurist on Sunday, November 8, 2015

Open Arms

I just finished crying when Preston and William came into my room this morning at 6:07am. Preston asked, “Mom, why are you frowning?”

“Our church did something very sad. They are making it very difficult for a certain group of children to get baptized among other things. It's upsetting when the leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does things that make it difficult for people to be like Jesus Christ. They shouldn’t make it difficult for children to get baptized.”

William interjected, “Even if they are 8 years old!? Why would they do that?”

I continued, “Remember how we talked about different types of families? Some families have two mommies. Some have two daddies. Some have only one mommy and no daddy. Some have a daddy and no mommy. Some have lots of mommies. There are many different types of families. The children that come from families that don’t look like ours are being treated poorly. They didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just sheer silliness.”

Preston responded, “No, it isn’t silliness. It’s a disaster!”

William hugged me, “Mom, why are you wet? Are those your tears?”

“Yes. It’s a thing mommies do sometimes. We just love our children so much that when other people’s children are hurt, we cry for their children too.”

Preston continued, “Mom, I know we fight sometimes, but I don’t think I could have better parents than you and Dad.”

Our family isn’t perfect, but our family welcomes your family with open arms.