There are
times at church I can’t bring myself to choke out another male pronoun. I would
attempt to sing the hymns, but I could only mouth the lyrics in silence. I couldn’t
even say His name. It felt dishonest to sing praises to His name, yet the silence of my
praise felt equally dishonest.
Some time
ago, I can’t say for sure when, I began substituting female deity pronouns for male deity pronouns while singing. I was quite shy at first. My vocals were
hardly even noticeable. Who knew what kind of social ramifications awaited me
if they knew I sang praises to our female deity? However, over time, the
tameness of my vocals melted away each Sunday until I was confident enough to
sing out female pronouns at a comparable volume to the rest of my fellow congregants.
When I sing about Her, I’m sometimes reminded that perhaps as a woman I, too,
am of a divine
nature. Perhaps there is more waiting
to be discovered beyond the emptiness of the
projected narrative. Perhaps there is more to my future awaiting my initiation.
It’s not a
significant change, nor do I expect my humble voice to sway the direction of
the entire choir, but at the very least my song is now honest.
Heavenly Mother, are you really there?
And do you
hear and answer ev'ry child's prayer?
Some say
that heaven is far away,
But I feel
it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly
Mother, I remember now
Something
that Jesus told disciples long ago:
"Suffer
the children to come to me."
Mother, in
prayer I'm coming now to thee.
Pray, She is
there;
Speak, She
is list'ning.
You are Her
child;
Her love now
surrounds you.
She hears
your prayer;
She loves
the children.
Of such is
the kingdom, the kingdom of heav'n.
*Adaptation of A Child's Prayer
*Adaptation of A Child's Prayer
